Spiritual Polygyny: An Opinion PEACE on a Different Kind of Love

In my first post on this blog, the topic of polygyny was introduced to support the case for sisterhood.  In that post however, I asked that sisters not focus on polygyny, but rather the message of the importance of embracing the feminine energy.  However, some sisters found it challenging to overlook its mention, which opened the box for further discussion on relationships, commitment, sexuality, marriage, polygamy and polyamory, and gender roles.  For me this was a great step forward: having sisters who were open to dialogue around what is often seen as a taboo topic.

With that said, I would like to take the time to revisit polygyny from MY INSIGHT, and use this as a safe space to discuss the aspects, benefits, and setbacks to different lifestyle choices, and perhaps offer a different perspective.  All opinions are welcomed!  In the spirit of true sisterhood, agreement is not necessary to personal growth, but understanding  and respect are key.  Please keep all comments as a reflection of the heart!

In Love and Truth,

A.K.S.

Written by A.K.S.

Dynamic Relationships

First, I would like to offer a few traditional definitions and distinctions between various unions:

1.) Polygamy- a general term used to refer to marriage between a man or a woman with multiple spouses.

2.) Polygyny- marriage between a man and two or more wives.

3.) Polyandry- marriage between a woman and two or more husbands.

4.) Monogamy- marriage between two people (traditionally, a man and a woman).

5.) Polyamory- a general term used to refer to partnership between three or more spouses (regardless of gender or marital status).

6.) Open relationship- a general term used when a union between two people is open for either partner to engage in relationships (sexual, emotional, and/or spiritual) with one or more additional people.

*All of the above unions [should] have an overarching expectation of honesty and/or fidelity, in traditional terms.  The unfortunate reality is that often (though not always), they do not…

Spiritual Polygyny

Ok, now that we have semantics out of the way (and feel free to add,  subtract, or change as you see fit), I would like to talk about Polygyny from a non-religious perspective (in this case, spiritual polygyny), as it pertains to nation building, sisterhood, and discuss some of the misconceptions, and highlight a few of the benefits.  Note that I will not discuss the disadvantages as they are more likely than not to be understood as opposites of the benefits (in layman’s terms: most will already have the disadvantages lined up in their heads;-).  Choosing to approach this particular lifestyle from a non-relgious perspective is important specifically for American culture because 1.) Plural marriage is illegal in this country (and void in the eyes of our political system) 2.) Plural relationship can be spiritual without being religious, and 3.) Polygyny (as well as other forms of polygamy), is already happening in many monogamous marriages and relationships in an untrue form (dishonesty or “cheating”), whether we like it, admit it, or not.

From my perspective, Spiritual Polygyny is a choice that not everyone can or should make.  It takes a certain man, first of all, to elect to love infinitely, communicate effectively, and lead with integrity.  There is NO room for the EGO in a polygynous family unit, as an enlightened and ever growing spirit is connected to all life, both within and outside of self.  A man who has chosen to surround himself with more than one wife has embraced a responsibility to care for and empower a strong, stable, and spiritually intuitive family unit.  He understands and uplifts his wives in all of their glory, and is able to do so simultaneously.  He is conscious of the necessity of the nurturing qualities of women in order to birth new life.  A man interested in living a polygynous lifestyle has a desire to be a King, knows he is worthy, surrounds himself by like minds, and is only interested in laying a foundation for a strong family for generations to come.  It is not about the physical realm of sex (but rather that is a benefit), but very much about building a Kingdom, rising in awareness and wisdom, and strengthening the greater community.

When it comes to the women in this lifestyle, it also takes a certain essence.  A woman who has broken free from the program of society; is knowledgeable, and confident in her ability and worth, and is open to sharing her wisdom, her love, and ultimately her King.  It takes a certain feminine energy, one that is slow to anger, and gives no power to jealousy or envy for she knows her own value.  I often hear women say that a woman who can share her man has little self worth.  This notion couldn’t be further from reality in a spiritually polygynous relationship!  A woman who understands her power does not need to compete, but rather embraces the opportunity to work in cohesion with her sister(s) in furtherance of family.  She also understand that love knows no bounds; so while she may not love her sister sexually, is completely open to rising in love and likewise uplifting in love those women who are closest to her, and any woman with whom she may encounter.   This lifestyle will not flourish if the women are envious, catty or spiteful, or do not value themselves as a necessary component to the larger family unit.  All in all, our responsibility is balance, nurture, and the continuance of life.

Misconceptions

There are some common misconceptions that often prevent any understanding from taking place from a person who has been programmed by the status quo.  Considering that the examples we have of polygamous relationships are that of religious circles (for instance Big Love and Sister Wives in popular culture and the Prophet Elijah Muhammad and his many wives), and the infidelity that occurs in monogamous relationships, it makes perfect sense why one would initially be opposed to embracing this lifestyle.   Aside from these misconceptions, there is also the belief that sharing is either wrong, too difficult, or unhealthy, and of course if you are approaching this lifestyle from your current comfortably programmed state, then yes, it may seem that way.  But if you are fortunate enough to encounter spiritual polygyny, you will come to understand that love is limitless, and when all involved are spiritually synchronized, polygynous love (in particular) can be very healthy, fulfilling, and easy (cue Minnie Ripperton!).  Yes, every kind of relationship comes with it’s challenges, and those challenges persist and/or grow when careful attention is not given, communication and honesty are lacking, and your soul is weak.  No, your children will not automatically be polygamous.  Just like you, they are quite capable of forming their own thoughts and opinions about the type of relationship they will embrace.  If your home is positive and peaceful, that should be your hope for them!

Advantages to Spiritual Polygyny 

This section is written in reference to advantages for the sister considering spiritual polygyny simply because this blog is dedicated the feminine essence.  Of course, there are benefits for the brothers as well, but that can be a discussion for another time!  I am compelled to write in list format for this section, mostly because it is visually appealing.  It also gives hope that more benefits can be added by anyone who has experienced and flourished in spiritual polygyny:

-You are royalty and are spiritually connected to a strong, loving King

-You are cared for and honored by your King and your Sister-Queens

-Abundant feminine energy creates a nurturing atmosphere

-There is always support, for example: emotional support or help around the “house”

-Time is freed up for you to pursue and/or birth your personal goals

-“The village” raises the children

-Finances become one, and the “family business” flourishes

-There is no expectation to be “everything” (so you can hone in on what you like or are good at)

-When you are tired physically, you can rest your body (from work, chores, and even sex)

-You know who will care for your King in your absence

-You don’t have to birth ALL the children, but can embrace many more as your own

-The children will have multiple role models and an abundance of love and affection

-You can share yours’ and your sister’s things (clothes, jewelry, ideas, secrets)

-Spiritual growth will happen naturally as you no longer quantify love, but understand it as      unconditional, universal, and limitless

-You are surrounded daily by a group of loving, supportive, and entrusting family (you are needed,  desired)

-YOUR PLUS HERE:-)

The Case for Feminine Energy

For me, spiritual polygyny makes the most sense. As I mentioned before, I am a firm believer in the power of the feminine energy, and find it absolutely necessary to the continuance of life. When embraced, this energy balances, calms, multiplies, and nurtures. Masculine energy is also very important, but has a natural tendency to divide, conquer, and lead. Both energies have their strong and weak qualities. But masculine energy when brought together and not balanced by the feminine leads to chaos (our current human circumstance). So while I don’t judge others who lead a different polygamous lifestyle (i.e. in the name of religion, or polyamory), I am only content to have one leader of my household–my King–and plan to nurture and uplift him as I best I can. I feel it’s no coincidence that nature is a Mother, as that essence produces life;-)

In my opinion, polyamory and open relationships are often a solution for people with issues committing. For whatever reason, they are not comfortable with being with the same people (person) in a spiritually binding union, and are contented to change partners as often as desired.  It certainly is a choice, and we are all free to choose.  This is simply something I have noticed to be the norm in these particular relationships.

Polyandry is a rare situation in nature (be it human or other living organisms), and in my opinion should be embraced with the utmost caution, and not by the mainstream as it only occurs in nature in special cases, usually dealing population incongruencies.  My findings are that women more often than not, have a desire to be with one man at a time, and while she may ultimately have many lovers, is not interested in or finds it difficult to balance a multitude of masculine energy, as her own feminine energy risks being overpowered.   Bare in mind that is not an absolute, and that there are always exceptions to any rule.  However, I will say proceed with care in a polyandrous lifestyle.

Closing

I know there are people out there pretending to be polygynous, practicing, or calling their relationships polygyny in the name of religion or ego (<—purely carnal or physical), but I want to go on record for saying that there is a difference between polygamy, and what others may refer to as Spiritual polygyny.  My hope is that you now have (if nothing else) a basic working knowledge of plural unions, and that you can understand why more and more women are electing a polygynous lifestyle.  I personally respect that this type of union is NOT for everyone, and that there is diversity of thought.   However, I believe that it truly takes a certain man and certain women (all very aware and willing to grow, communicate, and be honest without remorse) to make something like this work. Our society as a whole is not there, but who knows?  Maybe one day in addition to fighting for same sex marriage, we will also advocate for the recognition of plural unions…

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1 Comment

  1. Ymani

     /  August 3, 2015

    This article has a beautiful tone to it. I would add as a plus that polygyny provides the opportunity for more sisters to marry and have children in the contaxt of marriage, with a commited husband and father.

    There are far more marriageable women in our community then there are marriage and family ready men. As a result we have too many unmarried sisters and way too many female headed households. This has caused a lot of chaos in our community. Without placing blame on either parent, our boys are growing up not understanding how to be men and our daughters grow up not knowing how to choose the right mate in many instances. This creates a viscious cycle which we are smack dab in the middle of..

    The only way out is to build strong families, teach and show our children how to be good men and women, husbands and wives, fathers and mothers. Polygyny provides an opportunity for some of to do just that.

    Reply

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